Be true to myself~

I often sit by the street in New Zealand, watching people walking pass here and there; believe me, this is a kind of life enjoyment actually. The people of this country highly appreciate all kinds of art forms, even the street performers. They always give a dollar or two as a form of support to these art performers. The citizens have an open mind about things happening around them and often observe before criticize.

I do not know about others, but I truly found that I can be myself in this country. No one will tell you what you should and should not do, no one criticize even the silliest dreams that you have. I can act as I like, those that share the same view will become friends, and those that have a different point of view will leave. No one need to pretend to be someone else because no matter how distorted your mind is, you will eventually found that there are people that share the same mind with you. This only can be done when everyone is willing to show their own personality and share their craziest ideas.

I had this strong feeling after I came back from New Zealand, I slowly changed back into the person that I was before, the person that was not 100% me. I was constantly being reminded on all my thoughts and actions have to follow the Chinese society unwritten rule, which are the things that a normal person should do at my age. I saw that the 100% me is slowly turned transparent under the stream of rules. I see myself behaves and speaks as the society would like me to be.

However, I’m not the person before anymore, and I aware of these changes inside of me. It’s ok that no one supports my view, because I no longer need other people’s reassurance for me to believe in myself. It’s weird though, this society rules that they have. When I was a person that does not know what to do with my life, they called me an indecisive person; when I finally become more decisive in my life, they called me a stubborn person. So I finally understand a bit about this rule, no matter what u think or do, others will only see the negative part of it!

I wanted to live as a morning breeze, a refreshing and calming air when traveling. Peace in mind is all I wanted in my life; actually it is the most important thing to me. To all the people that wanted me to settle down and buy a house or build a family, i can only say that settling down inside is more important than setting down outside. I’m building a house in my heart, to keep the peace in mind. Starting a family is not the priority of my life; yet I will not resist, but also will not force into it. My mind is at a different stage and what I want is different from what common people wanted. I have to accept myself as what I am, and I feel that fate will bring me to what I was destined to be.